I am in shock. In dismay.
Daily Prompts was a speck of light I discovered only recently while I was drowning into a realm of darkness ruled by nothingness. This beacon of light too is transitioning into the same reality from whence I came.
When I look back in time; all the initiatives I made, all the hard work and all the ideas I implemented and devoted my time to, bring me a sigh of disbelief. I look back and I ask myself, “How are you what you are today?”
Consistent failures, defeats and traumatising events but yet here I am typing and conserving them as my legacy. I have felt the pain when a deserved reality is kept from you. When your sweat and your aches are nothing more than mere particles of unease.
One starts to wonder what is the point. Why am I working for it. What is it that I will gain from it. Why can’t I just accept what I have.
I would love to say yes. I even do just that every night in bed before I lose myself to sleep. The next day that extra-dimensional contract is void. It feels like I am programmed to be this way, like I have been corrupted by a virus of sorts which is not letting this part of me shut down for good.
I wake up to a day full of possibilities. I write in my day’s goals. I note down any ideas I come up with during the day in my journal and I strive to put ticks against my goals. Am I crazy? Maybe. I don’t know and honestly I don’t care because no matter what I feel today, tomorrow I am going to be just fine writing on a fresh new page while the “then” today will be nothing more than a yesterday. Quite out of my reach honestly.
I don’t have the resources to help me get what I want. That’s okay. Tomorrow I just might or the day after or the one after that. There are a thousand things that can stop me but I am not one of them. It is a proven a fact – I have tried to stop myself but I just can’t seem to.
So I advise you all out there to work even if it doesn’t seem to have a point because you may not realise it just yet but your failures are actually more significant than your winnings. I haven’t fully realised myself but I am open to it. I fall, I rise up by a jump. Every time the jump is higher.
I don’t put any specifics in my blogs just yet since my life is kind of uncertain. I am a highschool graduate got into 11 US universities with scholarship, 7 Turkish universities and 1 German university – a total of 19 universities but I am probably not going to any one of them. Financial issues. Now I am applying to the Pakistani Engineering and Medical Universities. Weird? I know – but I am good at both Maths and Biology so it is cool. I will start an official YouTube vlog channel once I am in university because otherwise you are just going to see me talking in my bed. Since that is what my life is nowadays.
So stay tuned. A LOT more is to come.
Daily Prompt: Retrospective